To My Dearest, My Cuddle Bear:
I am SO very sad today because it has been one year since you left your body. Honey, you KNOW how much I loved and STILL love you...I am still feeling the intense pain of our separation. I hope you are in a much better place now--you certainly deserve it...I always said you were my angel; I hope you have forgiven me and that you guard and watch over me right now as I type this letter to you, my love.
If you are in the spirit world and can read this letter, you KNOW that an evil force invaded our life, intent on destroying our relationship, driving us apart and killing both of us; it succeeded with you and now it is trying to destroy me too, taking away everything that I enjoy about living and driving me to suicide. I am trying to fight it off, but I am afraid that it might be a losing battle.
I just survived yet ANOTHER attempt to kill myself. I wanted to be with you again SO MUCH...to talk to you again and make you understand and acknowledge what I was up against during our last two years together. Maybe you already understand and were instrumental in preventing me from fully completing my suicide mission.
Honey, PLEASE forgive me for my weakness; I had never before experienced such an overwhelming level and combination of fear, stress, hopelessness and worsening mental paralysis as I did during our last few months together. It truly felt like a huge, evil tsunami crashing into me slowly, forcing me away from you...with each day came more stress, more fear and more paralysis...I truly wanted to die, but I chose life instead that day...away from you, my love, which I severely regret EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY--BUT I WAS FORCED INTO IT by this evil supernatural power, or curse, or WHATEVER THE FUCK IT WAS--IT WAS REAL.
Honey, in that last year you were repeatedly telling me that you would always be with me...maybe you were more aware of what was happening to us than you let on. But you were displaying some of the things that were scaring me to death--almost literally. I felt like I had lost your love, your support--leaving me with NO HUMAN SUPPORT AT ALL to help me with such an unreal crisis of a proportion and scale that I had never felt before.
I MISS YOU SO MUCH--but not the last two years together when my life felt like it had transformed into a horror movie that we were starring in. I challenge ANY HUMAN BEING to go through what I went through those last two years and NOT break apart mentally. I actually think that I was stronger than most...but not strong enough.
And, OF COURSE, the horror movie did not end with our separation...it continues with me to this very second.
Honey, on this day I am thinking of you, missing you. Oh, how I wish I could turn a corner and see you standing there, waiting for me with one of your wonderful hugs...if there is an afterlife, I hope we can hug again.
I LOVE YOU FOREVER AND ALWAYS,
Your Honey Bunny
Friday, August 1, 2014
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Homeless Supplies
Something you should always carry with you when you are homeless: a kitchen sponge.
A sponge is used mainly for keeping yourself clean when no shower is available. I also wet a sponge before I sit on a toilet seat: squeeze water on the seat and use toilet paper to wipe the seat clean.
Sleeping supplies. Yesterday, someone took my sleeping bag, blanket and sweatshirt (which I use to cover the carrying bag to use as a pillow) from where I was hiding it in a raised planter next to a commercial building; then, later that evening, one of my guardian angels instructed a human being to give me a sleeping bag!
Keep a small towel in your bag for drying your face and hands when no paper towels are available.
A small metal or plastic cup to fill with water or free coffee.
Clean underwear and socks. I do laundry once a month and have enough underwear to complete the month; I shower once a week and use the sponge method in between showers.
Nail clippers and dental floss; homeless centers always have free toothpaste and toothbrushes but never give out floss--which is critical for oral health care.
A plastic knife, fork and spoon. When you happen upon that perfectly good meal in a takeout container that someone has left on a park bench, it may not have eating utensils.
Extra pair of reading glasses and a couple of pens to write with.
Roll-on deodorant. You MUST do all you can to keep your body as clean as possible and NOT stink--or places will ask you to leave.
Half a roll of toilet paper. Toilet paper is good for A LOT of personal things--and, sometimes, right after you finish your business at the toilet, you discover that the TP supply is out in that stall.
A small airline-size blanket to use while resting on the lawn in a park--or use for warmth in winter.
And, a small, collapsible umbrella.
A sponge is used mainly for keeping yourself clean when no shower is available. I also wet a sponge before I sit on a toilet seat: squeeze water on the seat and use toilet paper to wipe the seat clean.
Sleeping supplies. Yesterday, someone took my sleeping bag, blanket and sweatshirt (which I use to cover the carrying bag to use as a pillow) from where I was hiding it in a raised planter next to a commercial building; then, later that evening, one of my guardian angels instructed a human being to give me a sleeping bag!
Keep a small towel in your bag for drying your face and hands when no paper towels are available.
A small metal or plastic cup to fill with water or free coffee.
Clean underwear and socks. I do laundry once a month and have enough underwear to complete the month; I shower once a week and use the sponge method in between showers.
Nail clippers and dental floss; homeless centers always have free toothpaste and toothbrushes but never give out floss--which is critical for oral health care.
A plastic knife, fork and spoon. When you happen upon that perfectly good meal in a takeout container that someone has left on a park bench, it may not have eating utensils.
Extra pair of reading glasses and a couple of pens to write with.
Roll-on deodorant. You MUST do all you can to keep your body as clean as possible and NOT stink--or places will ask you to leave.
Half a roll of toilet paper. Toilet paper is good for A LOT of personal things--and, sometimes, right after you finish your business at the toilet, you discover that the TP supply is out in that stall.
A small airline-size blanket to use while resting on the lawn in a park--or use for warmth in winter.
And, a small, collapsible umbrella.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
FOOD
Homeless and the housed poor will never starve in Santa Monica. Food is everywhere--both cheap food and free food.
If you have no money and you find that panhandling is too humiliating (which it is), there are several ways to eat. The OPCC Access Center on Olympic at 5th gives out free food almost every day. On Friday mornings, there's a small group that gives out free coffee and sack lunches in Reed Park on Wilshire. The abundant Farmer's Markets in Santa Monica are a great place to graze for free food (mostly just fruit). Many compassionate people will leave food on the street for the poor and homeless. And, finally, if you are truly desperate, trash cans in and around downtown Santa Monica frequently have perfectly good food in them (one time I found a box of pizza, still warm from the oven and not a bite taken out of it).
The problem is that free food is usually the worst kind: starchy, sugary, carbohydrate-laden breads, bagels, crackers, etc. It is very difficult to find protein like meat or eggs or cheese.
But beggars can't be choosers, of course.
If you have no money and you find that panhandling is too humiliating (which it is), there are several ways to eat. The OPCC Access Center on Olympic at 5th gives out free food almost every day. On Friday mornings, there's a small group that gives out free coffee and sack lunches in Reed Park on Wilshire. The abundant Farmer's Markets in Santa Monica are a great place to graze for free food (mostly just fruit). Many compassionate people will leave food on the street for the poor and homeless. And, finally, if you are truly desperate, trash cans in and around downtown Santa Monica frequently have perfectly good food in them (one time I found a box of pizza, still warm from the oven and not a bite taken out of it).
The problem is that free food is usually the worst kind: starchy, sugary, carbohydrate-laden breads, bagels, crackers, etc. It is very difficult to find protein like meat or eggs or cheese.
But beggars can't be choosers, of course.
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Fat Cops & Other Observations...
I've been noticing a lot of fat cops lately...seriously, dudes, lay off the carbs!
There's a crazy/demonically possessed homeless black guy who practically lives at the corner of Third and Arizona on the Promenade in Santa Monica...he is always yelling obscenities at people and acting crazy. This morning, I watched a middle-aged white dude give him some cash. WTF? Don't give that demon any money! Are you giving him money because of your white guilt?
Seriously, all filthy/demonically possessed street people need to be rounded up and put somewhere where they can't bother people anymore...LOCK THEM UP!
Every County needs to have an assisted suicide center--just like in the classic movie "Soylent Green." I saw that movie when I was a kid and even then it seemed like a compassionate, rational thing to offer people whose lives are completely hopeless.
Lots of homeless people never set foot inside a homeless center...they beg, steal, and eat out of trash cans. What a fucked up life this is...I am sick of the whole, shitty mess.
This world is fucked up and getting worse every day. Popular culture is sinking lower and lower...it's become a race to the bottom.
And, demons, you don't scare me anymore with your tiresome parlor tricks...FUCK YOU!
There's a crazy/demonically possessed homeless black guy who practically lives at the corner of Third and Arizona on the Promenade in Santa Monica...he is always yelling obscenities at people and acting crazy. This morning, I watched a middle-aged white dude give him some cash. WTF? Don't give that demon any money! Are you giving him money because of your white guilt?
Seriously, all filthy/demonically possessed street people need to be rounded up and put somewhere where they can't bother people anymore...LOCK THEM UP!
Every County needs to have an assisted suicide center--just like in the classic movie "Soylent Green." I saw that movie when I was a kid and even then it seemed like a compassionate, rational thing to offer people whose lives are completely hopeless.
Lots of homeless people never set foot inside a homeless center...they beg, steal, and eat out of trash cans. What a fucked up life this is...I am sick of the whole, shitty mess.
This world is fucked up and getting worse every day. Popular culture is sinking lower and lower...it's become a race to the bottom.
And, demons, you don't scare me anymore with your tiresome parlor tricks...FUCK YOU!
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Have You Noticed?
Have you noticed a huge increase in the number of people talking to themselves on the street?
Have you noticed how many more people are wearing/displaying crucifixes now?
Have you noticed the huge amount of people (adults AND kids) wearing clothing with human skull images?
Have you noticed how many movies these days are about demons, evil, etc?
Have you noticed how many people have telepathic powers now?
What is behind all of this? Is it the Second Coming?
Have you noticed how many more people are wearing/displaying crucifixes now?
Have you noticed the huge amount of people (adults AND kids) wearing clothing with human skull images?
Have you noticed how many movies these days are about demons, evil, etc?
Have you noticed how many people have telepathic powers now?
What is behind all of this? Is it the Second Coming?
Monday, June 30, 2014
How to be Homeless in Santa Monica
If you are homeless in Santa Monica, your first stop should be at the OPCC Access Center, on Olympic Boulevard, between 5th and 7th Streets (within spitting distance of the Santa Monica Freeway).
At the OPCC Access Center, you can get a mailing address and receive mail and telephone messages there. OPCC also provides food, shower and laundry facilities, and medical aid. If you want a case manager to help you, they have those too, but, priority is always first given to people who used to live and/or work in Santa Monica. If you want a locker, you must have a case manager.
In other words, if you come to Santa Monica from outside its legal city boundary, you can pretty much forget about getting serious help to get off the streets permanently.
Your next stop should be at the Welfare Office Building on Pico Boulevard at Sepulveda Boulevard in West Los Angeles. There you can sign up for food stamps and cash aid; it's not a lot, but it helps.
After going to OPCC and the Welfare Office, you are exhausted mentally and physically. Where will you sleep tonight? The bad news is that the City of Santa Monica has effectively outlawed all "camping" within its jurisdiction.
In other words, there is NO LEGAL PLACE in the City of Santa Monica to bed down at night. Not the beach, not the parks--and certainly not on private property where you WILL BE hassled by the Santa Monica Police, and possibly arrested for trespassing.
The City of Santa Monica has declared war on the homeless and they want you OUT. There are several local ordinances aimed at making your homeless life more miserable than it already is.
You'll notice when walking down the street that most buildings display signs saying that "sitting or lying" in that spot between 11 pm and 7am is illegal.
It is also illegal to remove anything from a garbage can.
Thinking of doing some panhandling to get some money? That's illegal too.
Want to stretch out on that bench on the Third Street Promenade and take a nap? Illegal.
And that shopping cart? The police will ticket you for having it in your possession and you will get a date at the courthouse--near L.A. International Airport.
Of course, all of these things are illegal but the streets of Santa Monica are filled with homeless people who are forced to break these laws in order to survive; it keeps the Santa Monica Police Department very, very busy.
The little local newsrags are in bed with the City on this issue. When they print police crime logs, they always make sure that there is a preponderance of crimes committed by "transients," stoking public hysteria over the homeless problem.
The City is currently finishing a re-do of every bus stop in the city. Gone are the long, metal benches with backs and armrests; in their place are two tiny, backless and armless "stools" to sit on while waiting for a bus. Trash cans at bus stops are now under lock and key--no more casually flipping up the lid to see if there's anything you might need inside.
Then, there's the Santa Monica Library--the main one Downtown and its satellite branches. They have a rule about not bringing blankets into the library and no oversize bags are permitted. Make sure you keep your body clean because if you stink and someone complains, they will ask you to leave. Bathing and shaving in the bathrooms is not permitted, but people do it all the time.
You really cannot blame city leaders for taking this hardline approach. The homeless continue to flood into the city every day, and it is the "bad apples" that spoil the barrell for the rest of us. Remember back when you had a normal, "housed" life? I certainly do. The presence of the homeless WAS annoying, wasn't it? Yes, it was--admit it.
At the OPCC Access Center, you can get a mailing address and receive mail and telephone messages there. OPCC also provides food, shower and laundry facilities, and medical aid. If you want a case manager to help you, they have those too, but, priority is always first given to people who used to live and/or work in Santa Monica. If you want a locker, you must have a case manager.
In other words, if you come to Santa Monica from outside its legal city boundary, you can pretty much forget about getting serious help to get off the streets permanently.
Your next stop should be at the Welfare Office Building on Pico Boulevard at Sepulveda Boulevard in West Los Angeles. There you can sign up for food stamps and cash aid; it's not a lot, but it helps.
After going to OPCC and the Welfare Office, you are exhausted mentally and physically. Where will you sleep tonight? The bad news is that the City of Santa Monica has effectively outlawed all "camping" within its jurisdiction.
In other words, there is NO LEGAL PLACE in the City of Santa Monica to bed down at night. Not the beach, not the parks--and certainly not on private property where you WILL BE hassled by the Santa Monica Police, and possibly arrested for trespassing.
The City of Santa Monica has declared war on the homeless and they want you OUT. There are several local ordinances aimed at making your homeless life more miserable than it already is.
You'll notice when walking down the street that most buildings display signs saying that "sitting or lying" in that spot between 11 pm and 7am is illegal.
It is also illegal to remove anything from a garbage can.
Thinking of doing some panhandling to get some money? That's illegal too.
Want to stretch out on that bench on the Third Street Promenade and take a nap? Illegal.
And that shopping cart? The police will ticket you for having it in your possession and you will get a date at the courthouse--near L.A. International Airport.
Of course, all of these things are illegal but the streets of Santa Monica are filled with homeless people who are forced to break these laws in order to survive; it keeps the Santa Monica Police Department very, very busy.
The little local newsrags are in bed with the City on this issue. When they print police crime logs, they always make sure that there is a preponderance of crimes committed by "transients," stoking public hysteria over the homeless problem.
The City is currently finishing a re-do of every bus stop in the city. Gone are the long, metal benches with backs and armrests; in their place are two tiny, backless and armless "stools" to sit on while waiting for a bus. Trash cans at bus stops are now under lock and key--no more casually flipping up the lid to see if there's anything you might need inside.
Then, there's the Santa Monica Library--the main one Downtown and its satellite branches. They have a rule about not bringing blankets into the library and no oversize bags are permitted. Make sure you keep your body clean because if you stink and someone complains, they will ask you to leave. Bathing and shaving in the bathrooms is not permitted, but people do it all the time.
You really cannot blame city leaders for taking this hardline approach. The homeless continue to flood into the city every day, and it is the "bad apples" that spoil the barrell for the rest of us. Remember back when you had a normal, "housed" life? I certainly do. The presence of the homeless WAS annoying, wasn't it? Yes, it was--admit it.
James Dean in Santa Monica
Tragic film star James Dean was born in 1931 in Indiana. In 1935, James and his parents, Mildred and Winton, moved to Santa Monica; his father had transferred to a new job as a Dental Technician at the nearby Veteran's Hospital.
One book I read about Dean stated that the family first lived in an apartment near the southeast corner of 26th Street and Wilshire Boulevard in Santa Monica; today, there is no apartment building at that location.
Another book about Dean, "Rebel," states that the family lived at 1422 Twenty-Third Street, just south of Santa Monica Boulevard in Santa Monica; today that location is a parking lot (of course). On the other side of 23rd Street is a row of surviving bungalow homes, so you can get an idea of what their home probably looked like.
The 23rd Street house was a small, rented California Craftsman-style bungalow with two small bedrooms, a parlor, a lush front lawn with a palm tree, and a rear garden.
Little Jimmy Dean started 1st grade at the Brentwood School, on Gretna Green, just off San Vicente Boulevard; after one term in Brentwood, Jimmy transferred to McKinley Elementary School, which was just around the corner from where they lived on 23rd.
Jimmy's mother Mildred died in the house on 23rd at age 29 of cancer. Right after her death in July, 1940, Winton Dean sent his son back to Indiana to live with relatives.
James Dean returned to Santa Monica after graduating from high school in 1949. He lived with his father and stepmother in Santa Monica in a "squat little stone house." He attended Santa Monica City College and, later, UCLA, but dropped out to pursue acting in New York.
While he attended UCLA, James Dean took acting classes given by actor James Whitmore in a rehearsal hall at 26th and San Vicente in Santa Monica.
One book I read about Dean stated that the family first lived in an apartment near the southeast corner of 26th Street and Wilshire Boulevard in Santa Monica; today, there is no apartment building at that location.
Another book about Dean, "Rebel," states that the family lived at 1422 Twenty-Third Street, just south of Santa Monica Boulevard in Santa Monica; today that location is a parking lot (of course). On the other side of 23rd Street is a row of surviving bungalow homes, so you can get an idea of what their home probably looked like.
The 23rd Street house was a small, rented California Craftsman-style bungalow with two small bedrooms, a parlor, a lush front lawn with a palm tree, and a rear garden.
Little Jimmy Dean started 1st grade at the Brentwood School, on Gretna Green, just off San Vicente Boulevard; after one term in Brentwood, Jimmy transferred to McKinley Elementary School, which was just around the corner from where they lived on 23rd.
Jimmy's mother Mildred died in the house on 23rd at age 29 of cancer. Right after her death in July, 1940, Winton Dean sent his son back to Indiana to live with relatives.
James Dean returned to Santa Monica after graduating from high school in 1949. He lived with his father and stepmother in Santa Monica in a "squat little stone house." He attended Santa Monica City College and, later, UCLA, but dropped out to pursue acting in New York.
While he attended UCLA, James Dean took acting classes given by actor James Whitmore in a rehearsal hall at 26th and San Vicente in Santa Monica.
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